So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize