My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
