just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
