he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
