Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
