I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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