a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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