so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
