Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
