I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
