god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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