I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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