I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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