She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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