Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
