drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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