She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
