I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
