I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
