how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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