Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
