I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
