he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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