I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
