Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
