respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
