Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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