I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
