If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
