Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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