you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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