You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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