Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
