WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
