Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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