The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We had sex on a dog bed..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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