you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
