At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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