If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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