dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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