You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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