It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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