did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
