I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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