I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize