hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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