She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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