DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
