I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
