i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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