i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
