and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
