You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's just like the Real World with babies
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Randomize
