Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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