I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize