My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
