All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You're like the curious george of whores
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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