Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
