Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
