She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
