do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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