Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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