K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
