When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
