At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
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I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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