im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
