I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
