Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
