She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
