Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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