Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
