Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
