I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
