You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize