Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
