Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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