Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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