I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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