Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
