There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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