It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
