Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
