I am puke
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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