my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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