we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
