He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
