The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
